So for two hours I was able to reconnect to my lost childhood. Transformers were second only to Legos in my personnel Pantheon of toys. As John Swansburg says in Slate "the only thing better than a toy truck was a toy truck that was also a toy robot."
And Michael Bay does all he can for the boy in all of us. I swear to God the man is least subtle director in film history. He wants you to jump, he throws a car a the screen. Bam! Off comes the head! Boom! Down comes the building Crash! The bus gets cracked in two. Fun times. Just don't expect everything to make much sense. How did..? When did..? Didn't they already say..? Just leave those questions behind. This is a movie for boys. Boys do not ask questions about the plot.
How do I know that this is movie for boys? Well, there are two female characters, stunningly hot and their skill sets are mechanic and computer hacker. Only in Boy-Movie never-never land do mechanics and computer hackers look like this.
High points- effects, the transformations effects are great. A million little parts shift and move and recombine in a way that is fascinating to watch, apart for the mere fact that a fracking helicopter just turned into a fracking giant robot.
Low points- jokes, this movie tries way too hard to be funny, and the gags miss more than they hit.
But in the end the battles are cool, the chicks are hot and Optimus Prime says "Autobots, roll out" Really what more do you need on the 4th of July.