March 19, 2007


Finally took in the show, and in I-MAX no less. Because when a slow-motion decapitated head flies across the screen, I want to see every detail.

Rather than give an overall assessment, it's best to break this movie down into parts. As war porn, this movie is unbeatable. The visuals are stunning, down to the last pixel. Spartans yell, Persians howl and blood flies. Everywhere. A girl in my row got splattered with some and that stuff does not come out. This is pure stylized mayhem of the first order. The wardrobe department forgot to give the Spartans their armor, so as to better show off everyone's rippling pecs and abs. Every Spartan soldier is a walking, chopping, stabbing reminder that I need to get to gym more.

As politics - don't even try. Yes, yes what is now Iran is what used to be the Persian empire. But anyone trying to make a metaphor out of this piece of bloody fantasy is a lackwit.

As history this movie sucks eggs. Go read. As someone who goes out and reads the history books when a movie like this comes out, I find it more than a little annoying how wrong they get almost every detail.

I know, I know based on a comic, but still, this is how most of the country gets most of its history and they are getting sold a bill of goods. So when all the Spartan characters give speeches about freedom, it's sort of painful to know that Sparta was oligarchy that held most of its population in slavery.

We should know what we owe to the Greeks and to which Greeks.

Yes the Spartans are cool as badass warriors, but everything worth saving in Greek culture came from Athens, not Sparta. Philosophy, democracy, drama all came from Athens. The Spartans were too busy abusing their children and their Helots to do any of that. Plus, the Athenians did their part to stop the Persian invasion.

But I digress.

To sum up: War, heads chopped off, blood, a rhino, more blood, elephants, bad history, still yet more blood, need to go to the gym more, the 10,000 Immorals just looking so cool, a bit more blood, the Queen of Sparta was hot, some more blood, the Athenians not getting their share of credit and even more blood.

Any questions?

1 comment:

Tyler said...

I really wanted to like this movie...and I did to an extent, but not as much I thought I would.

There was very little character development (with the exception of Leonidas and the queen). It was difficult to feel for any of the main Spartans. Also, I just couldn't buy the fact that none of the Spartans got any of that cool special effects blood on them. After each battle they simply looked like they'd all benched pressed 225 lbs a bunch of times. And Xerxes was so gay and poorly acted that it was almost comical; he couldn't evoke much emotion from me. Furthermore, those beheadings were too cheesy...

On the other hand, though the 300 were all killed, the Greeks eventually did push pack the evil it does make you harken back to the days when white people could actually win wars.

Having said all that, however, I do recommend it just because of the special effects and sheer coolness of it. I will still get it on dvd.