The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new
virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is
contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him").
Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the
past four years, in spite of having taken measures to protect
themselves from this especially troublesome disease.
Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim
include, but are not limited to: Antisocial Personality Disorder
traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; uncontrolled facial smirking; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or-nothing behavior.
The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and
epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years ago in a Texas Bush.
Thanks Rob. Rob, by the way is a great humanitarian and all around nice guy and could really use a job so. Save a starving Grad Student today.