January 20, 2005

Iraqi Election Countdown!

10 days to the Iraqi election, and boy are we excited. Only a few lingering questions remain:

  • Who are the candidates? Their names have not been disclosed because they are afraid for their lives.
  • Where will the polling locations be? In order to avoid preemptive attacks by insurgents, the citizens have not yet been notified where they can vote.
  • How will the US ensure that people are safe when voting? We've done a bang up job so far with protecting those Iraqis who have enough civic pride to volunteer for the police force, so no worries.
  • What plans do we have to counter the inevitable sectarian violence that arises when the Shiite majority wins, and the Sunnis minority loses? The Sunnis had their turn under Saddam and it is time for them to graciously step aside.
  • How will we respond if the elected government asks for a total withdrawal of troops and a closure of all US military bases? Self determination is crucial to any fledgling democracy.

Bonus pithy answers to non-election questions:

  • Will the US continue to pursue its unilateralist approach to foreign policy, and its preemptive strike doctrine? Yes!
  • Where are the weapons of mass destruction? Iran.
  • Where does the buck stop for the torture prisoners in Iraq and Gitmo? Private First Class Lindy England and Specialist Charles A. Graner Jr.
  • Is there a terrorist threat for the inauguration as there has been with every other significant event in the US for the past 3 years? No! Terrorist chatter is down 62%!
  • Where is Osama bin Laden? A: He is a nebulous evil can arise at anytime, including your backyard around the time of the next election!

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